I hadn't heard from my therapist from CFC for a while so I got worried and called... They said that she was still on maternity leave, which I found was odd, so I sent an e-mail to one of the clinical directors. She sent me an e-mail today saying that her son had passed away a couple of weeks ago from SIDS... Oh my gosh... Such devestating news. I of course immediately felt deep sorrow, and I felt completely helpless as I had no way to get in touch with her. Luckily I had therapy today, (and pretty soon after I got the message,) so I was able to get some of my emotions out in a healthy way. If I had not had therapy I'm not sure that I could have been able to refrain from restricting or self harm. I had so many feelings all boiling over, and I felt like I was going to explode. Even tonight I am struggling, especially because I have absolutely no way to help her and I care so much... It's really a terrible feeling. :-(
Since my last post things had been going a little bit better, (well until today.) I am still cycling in and out of depression, but there has been some bright moments. Thankfully I was offered a job from a team in Scottsdale, and I have been talking to another local team as well. There is still one other possibility here in AZ, but I have no idea if that will pan out at all... It may be a fat chance, but nonetheless I'm keeping the option open still. Otherwise I applied for some Administrative type positions, and hoping I might be able to find something workable in the near future. If I can find something there, I think it would help me to determine if I want to have synchro be my main focus with a part time job on the side, or if I want to have a full time job with synchro on the side. Both scenarios have their advantages and disadvantages, so hopefully things might become a little more clear sometime in the near future!
Oh I have been making some jewelry... I don't really know what I'm doing, but I have made some things that I like and will wear. Maybe at some point I can think about selling some. If I don't sell them I will definitely use them for gifts and to keep myself in fun updated jewelry! :-)
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