Sad and alone.

Tonight I am feeling really sad and my heart just plain hurts... I feel so alone and confused and sometimes I just don't know if I can continue on.  I want so much to be able to make a meaningful life for myself, but I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere.  Sure I am healthier physically now, but I still feel like I did before only now I'm 30 pounds heavier.  So much has happened and yet so little has really changed. I keep trying to crawl my way out of the darkness, yet in the end I always seem to end up back where I started.  Will I ever be able to live a life that will make me happy?  Will I ever be able to be the person I dream of being?  Right now it just feels impossible and that makes me feel truly hopeless... Sometimes I wish that my earlier attempts to starve myself to death had been successful.  I know that's terrible to say, but I just don't know how much longer I can keep fighting.  What am I here for? It all feels pointless... :-(  Trying to hold on.