Crossroads

So after a few very rough days I find myself at a crossroads... It seems as if my skills are no longer valued at my job, so I am considering resigning.  It's difficult because I have put my heart and soul into the team, and have given everything I have.  I sacrificed my health and well being, and unfortunately have put myself into a position where I now have nothing else in my life.  Internally I am torn because I still love synchro, and I love the girls, but I hate it at the same time.  It's a very perfectionistic environment, and it never feels that what I am doing is good enough.  I always feel that I'm expected to do more, produce more, win more.  I am held to a standard that is very unforgiving... It has paralyzed me, and has made me incredibly depressed and sick.  So a huge part of me is screaming to "get out now!" but I feel stuck as I'm not sure what else I would do.  My confidence has taken a huge beating, and I don't feel qualified to do anything else.  My parents are saying "stay and fight," but I don't have the fight in me.  Unfortunately though I also don't feel that I have the strength to start a job search. I just don't know what to do... I feel lost and confused, and it's a very scary position to be in.   

So I wrote the above a little earlier today, and tonight I am feeling slightly better.  Although I am still not sure what I want to do, I do know that I am no longer willing to sell my soul indefinitely to the team.  Just in making that decision it makes me feel a little more free.  I guess at this point we'll see what happens tomorrow...