Today has been another rough day... I just don't understand what's going on with me. I was having a lot of trouble in my appointment... I couldn't stay present and I couldn't think straight. I started shaking and crying and it was really confusing... I hope tomorrow is a better day.
Synchro is pretty stressful right now... I'm trying to finish all the routines, (quite frantically at this point,) and decided to just add a trio and combo. I don't know if I'm making the best decision on this, but they've been started now so I guess I'll have to make it work somehow. It doesn't help that I am seriously doubting my abilities, and feel like I am going to fail miserably. I try to stay positive and go in there each day fresh, but the pressure has really been intense, and I'm not sure how I will manage to hold up during this competition season. I think if I can have a realy productive practice on Saturday though it will certainly help me feel a bit more at ease. I'm really worried I may have a major breakdown at some point. I sure hope that won't be the case though.
Tomorrow will be a more relaxing day as I just have a couple of privates, and perhaps I'll work on the suits a little. Otherwise I'm going to try and take it a bit easy as it seems as if I get overwhelmed very easily these days. I will try and run again though, as it seems to help me a little bit with my stress level and bit and gives me a sense of accomplishment. I like to run a little further each time so I feel like I"m making progress. Sometimes I can do it and sometimes I can't... Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to!
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