So today has been pretty weird... This morning I felt really excited, a little restless, and quite spastic, but it has progressively turned into extreme frustration and agitation. I don't know what is going on with me, but it's terrible... This morning I kind of liked it, but tonight I feel like I want to pull my hair out. I just don't know what to do with myself, and I feel like I could be really self destructive. I really hope I don't feel like this tomorrow... It is a very stormy ride!
I had a bit of a hard therapy session yesterday, and Betsy was asking me a lot of questions about my past. It seems that she thinks that I may have gone through some trauma... Unfortunately I don't remember much, and have been trying really hard to recall anything. I talked to my Mom for quite a while, and this morning she tried her best to put everything she knew down on a timeline. I'm hoping that if I can remember anything that it might spark more memories. This afternoon I even called my dad to ask him, but it seemed that he remembered even less than my Mom... I'm hoping that something will come to me soon, so far all I have are feelings, and vague little clips that I don't even know are real. It's really frustrating.
Tonight I was so agitated I had a bit of a hard practice... I didn't have any patience, and I felt a constant race against time which stressed me out more. I think I'm trying to do too much, but I really want the girls to have as many opportunities as possible. Hopefully in the next week or so we'll be able to finish up some more things so I can feel a little calmer about everything!
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